No, Everything Doesn't Happen for a Reason

How Christian platitudes harm people in pain.

Everything doesn’t happen for a divine reason, because God isn’t orchestrating every earthly event. We have to stop attributing the hateful actions of humans, and the consequences that follow, to a loving, benevolent God.

I met Tommy a few years ago. He was in Austin for the weekend and had heard about our church online, so he visited our Sunday service. He came up to me afterward and introduced himself. I still remember it vividly because Tommy is a big man, standing at 6’5” and 300 pounds. From the moment I met him, I immediately sensed that he is a safe and kind person, a big teddy bear, so to speak. 

Tommy asked if I had a few minutes, so we walked to the cafeteria (we meet in a middle school), sat down at a lunch table, and he shared some of his story.

Tommy grew up in the church. Like ALL THE WAY in the church—Sunday morning church, Sunday night prayer meeting, Wednesday night Bible Study, and sporadic, week-long revivals a few times each year.

Tommy’s dad was the associate pastor, but this wasn’t one of those situations where he drug Tommy along to everything. Tommy loved it. He loved the singing, the preaching, the potluck dinners, and the people. But most of all, he loved being with his family; Tommy, his little sister, and his parents did all of these things together, something that they he realized was special even as a child.

Then, when Tommy was sixteen, his parents got divorced. As a part of how divorces were handled in his family’s church, Tommy and his sister were required to meet with the Senior Pastor.

At this point in the story, Tommy paused and we looked at each other across the cafeteria table.

“Do you know what he told me and my sister, Zach? He told us, ‘God is in control.’

When my sister said, ‘Why didn’t God stop this from happening?’ the Senior Pastor said, ‘Everything happens for a reason.’”

Tommy teared up as he retold the story.

“I was so confused and angry that I just got up and walked out. How was that helpful? How are Christian platitudes supposed to comfort two teenage kids when it feels like their world is falling apart?”