I likewise grew up in a church tradition that did not fully recognize leadership roles for women outside of women’s and children’s ministries.
Since 2016, my family and I have attended a church here in the South Bay of Los Angeles, and we have been deeply blessed by the women pastors who serve on its leadership team. I’m especially grateful that my daughter was able to grow up seeing, hearing, and experiencing gifted women teaching, leading, shepherding, and serving as a normal part of her faith and spiritual formation.
I recognize that faithful Christians interpret the relevant biblical texts differently. But my own experience has made me wonder how much wisdom, gifting, leadership, and spiritual fruit the Body of Christ has forfeited over the centuries when cultural assumptions about patriarchy have been allowed to shape our understanding of who God may call and equip.
If we truly pray, “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven,” it seems worth asking whether our churches are making room for the full measure of gifts God has given His people.
Grateful to your ministry at Restore and the faithful sharing of your and Zach's journey.
Patriarchy performs a strange theological trick: women can organize the church, teach children, counsel the wounded, feed everyone, and keep the operation from collapsing, but when they approach a pulpit, suddenly God has technical difficulties. If the Spirit can descend as fire, wind, and a dove, I suspect She can survive a woman holding a microphone. Maybe the problem was never divine order. Maybe some men just hated sharing the good chair.
I am 77 now and 30 years ago was told I was banned from teaching men in my evangelical church) because of my gender. I had been perfectly acceptable to teach Sunday school, small groups and lead retreats for years. I left that church but never God. Today I am a spiritual director in my 2nd year in a DMin spiritual formation program. And that pales to the glory of watching my wonderful daughter, the lead pastor of a vibrant church in Kansas City, Missouri, inspire and guide people from all walks of life to a deeper walk with the Divine.
Amy, I went to Restore three years ago. After the service, I told Zach that I felt like God was in this church from the time that I was walking in from the parking lot until the time that I was talking with Zach. I don't feel that way in most churches!
As a former "women's ministry director" in the PCA, I so appreciate this post. We've been out of the PCA for several years now, and I was hoping they had improved ever so slightly - sadly, no.
There definitely seems to be a tightening and even stronger move toward "conservative" interpretations among many conservative Christians. The irony of the article (which, to be honest, I couldn't read in its entirety... same old same old from these guys) is that there are not "pastor"s in scripture. I'm glad you are out but I also understand the hurt that lingers.
Yeah... I skimmed it after the first couple of paragraphs, too. Blergh. It's a weird grief, to be honest. In this season, I absolutely don't miss the grind of going to church and organizing and justifying my role, but I do miss the sense of community, even when it felt conditional after my family and I left.
I don’t know if this is even something you’d be interested in (and I say this as a head pastor’s wife who goes to church about half the time 😂) but let me know if you’re looking for a more inclusive church. If not, enjoy your Sunday mornings in peace! And I hope you find a community whose acceptance is not predicated upon your complicity and/or obedience.
A church we attend here has a woman pastor. All other churches I've attended in the last 50 years have had male pastors, but my first church was started by a woman, Amy Semple McPherson. She was not without controversy). Watching the Netflix special, Death of a Pastor's Wife was horrifying.
Thanks, Amy! Most of my story is included in my Substack, "Another Think Coming." If you want to read specific parts, let me know (like if it's about my faith, or mental illness, or some other subject). Yeah....Amy Semple McPherson! It's wild! And, after I wrote the comment, I remembered that back in the mid 1990s I was a secretary at a church (same denomination as the one Amy started), and a young woman confessed to several of us that her husband wanted her to have sex with him every day and if he did not get his way, he would not let her sleep. Sound familiar? She told us that our pastor told her she had to submit and just pray God would change him. I felt so bad for her! And triggered, frankly, as I had been married to controller. But I was astonished that our pastor had told her that!
Amy I loved everything about this post. It resonated with me having left a patriarchal church which did the same, women had little voice Thank you for your vulnerability about being scared bc we were taught that women would seduce our husbands 🤯. I wish I lived near your beautiful church ❤️
I likewise grew up in a church tradition that did not fully recognize leadership roles for women outside of women’s and children’s ministries.
Since 2016, my family and I have attended a church here in the South Bay of Los Angeles, and we have been deeply blessed by the women pastors who serve on its leadership team. I’m especially grateful that my daughter was able to grow up seeing, hearing, and experiencing gifted women teaching, leading, shepherding, and serving as a normal part of her faith and spiritual formation.
I recognize that faithful Christians interpret the relevant biblical texts differently. But my own experience has made me wonder how much wisdom, gifting, leadership, and spiritual fruit the Body of Christ has forfeited over the centuries when cultural assumptions about patriarchy have been allowed to shape our understanding of who God may call and equip.
If we truly pray, “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven,” it seems worth asking whether our churches are making room for the full measure of gifts God has given His people.
Grateful to your ministry at Restore and the faithful sharing of your and Zach's journey.
Patriarchy performs a strange theological trick: women can organize the church, teach children, counsel the wounded, feed everyone, and keep the operation from collapsing, but when they approach a pulpit, suddenly God has technical difficulties. If the Spirit can descend as fire, wind, and a dove, I suspect She can survive a woman holding a microphone. Maybe the problem was never divine order. Maybe some men just hated sharing the good chair.
100%. It was always about control!
I am 77 now and 30 years ago was told I was banned from teaching men in my evangelical church) because of my gender. I had been perfectly acceptable to teach Sunday school, small groups and lead retreats for years. I left that church but never God. Today I am a spiritual director in my 2nd year in a DMin spiritual formation program. And that pales to the glory of watching my wonderful daughter, the lead pastor of a vibrant church in Kansas City, Missouri, inspire and guide people from all walks of life to a deeper walk with the Divine.
What a beautiful path! Thank you for paving the way, for your daughter and so many others.
Amy, I went to Restore three years ago. After the service, I told Zach that I felt like God was in this church from the time that I was walking in from the parking lot until the time that I was talking with Zach. I don't feel that way in most churches!
This is so kind! Let me know if you plan to come back and I'll meet you in the lobby!
As a former "women's ministry director" in the PCA, I so appreciate this post. We've been out of the PCA for several years now, and I was hoping they had improved ever so slightly - sadly, no.
I came across this article and was so disheartened. https://archive.americanreformer.org/2025/10/shepherdesses-in-the-pca/
There definitely seems to be a tightening and even stronger move toward "conservative" interpretations among many conservative Christians. The irony of the article (which, to be honest, I couldn't read in its entirety... same old same old from these guys) is that there are not "pastor"s in scripture. I'm glad you are out but I also understand the hurt that lingers.
Yeah... I skimmed it after the first couple of paragraphs, too. Blergh. It's a weird grief, to be honest. In this season, I absolutely don't miss the grind of going to church and organizing and justifying my role, but I do miss the sense of community, even when it felt conditional after my family and I left.
I don’t know if this is even something you’d be interested in (and I say this as a head pastor’s wife who goes to church about half the time 😂) but let me know if you’re looking for a more inclusive church. If not, enjoy your Sunday mornings in peace! And I hope you find a community whose acceptance is not predicated upon your complicity and/or obedience.
Thank you so much! We are very open to finding a new space, but still love our Sundays as is right now.
A church we attend here has a woman pastor. All other churches I've attended in the last 50 years have had male pastors, but my first church was started by a woman, Amy Semple McPherson. She was not without controversy). Watching the Netflix special, Death of a Pastor's Wife was horrifying.
Linda! You have the wildest story 😂 please sit down and write it out from beginning to end. I'll read it!
PS looked up Semple McPherson and OH MY GOODNESS!!
Also...Amy...a crazy article about something that happened to me at a church I attended...I'll DM the link to you.
Thanks, Amy! Most of my story is included in my Substack, "Another Think Coming." If you want to read specific parts, let me know (like if it's about my faith, or mental illness, or some other subject). Yeah....Amy Semple McPherson! It's wild! And, after I wrote the comment, I remembered that back in the mid 1990s I was a secretary at a church (same denomination as the one Amy started), and a young woman confessed to several of us that her husband wanted her to have sex with him every day and if he did not get his way, he would not let her sleep. Sound familiar? She told us that our pastor told her she had to submit and just pray God would change him. I felt so bad for her! And triggered, frankly, as I had been married to controller. But I was astonished that our pastor had told her that!
Amy I loved everything about this post. It resonated with me having left a patriarchal church which did the same, women had little voice Thank you for your vulnerability about being scared bc we were taught that women would seduce our husbands 🤯. I wish I lived near your beautiful church ❤️