A) you unlocked some college memories while simultaneously helping me see a facet of our college experience I never realized
B) “If you believe in a punitive God, with yourself as deserving of punishment, you will see others as deserving of the same. Conversely, if you see God as primarily loving, with yourself as deeply beloved, you will see others as worthy of love.” This is one of the reasons I’ve found it difficult to go back to church even though I have a desire for community. Honestly scares me.
C) Thank you for sharing your life experiences. This gave me hope and a desire to press into the goodness of God.
So good to hear from you! I didn't want to go to church for a long time (and I'm married to the pastor). I still don't some weeks and I try not to feel guilty about it, although that programming is strong. In my experience, God is PATIENT, more than I ever imagined. Keep leaning into that goodness and you're good, whatever the next step is.
Amy...I so relate to this post. My early years as a Christian were filled with images of being "left behind." It was all anyone was talking about in the mid 1970s. I was suffering from major depression at the time and it pushed me over the edge. Later, after I had deconstructed (which was fraught with anxiety as well) I began to understand the coercion of the Evangelical way of understanding the Bible.
Evangelicalism preys on people with anxiety in order to keep the ranks in check. For those of us who struggle with mental health, it can be a deadly combination. I'm glad we both made it out with our faith 💛 it's so much better on this side!
This is one of the most powerful theological exorcisms I’ve read in a long time.
The image of a four-year-old internalizing penance for the Passion—as if the cross were his fault—is a devastating indictment of how violence masquerading as virtue gets baptized in Sunday school glitter glue.
Amy, thank you for unmasking what so many of us swallowed in silence: a punitive God projected by people terrified of their own shame. Your journey from gold-foil medals to reclaiming divine love without the lash is sacred. Not because it’s polished, but because it’s honest.
Yes, the fruit of wrath theology is rotten. It feeds control, self-hatred, and cruelty disguised as righteousness. But the fruit of love? It liberates. It heals. It lets a mother say, My child will not inherit my chains.
May we all stop worshipping a god who needs blood to be okay with us, and start following the one who bleeds with us.
Amen, and pass the scissors for those flannelgraph thorns.
Thank you for this. They were just the words I needed when I woke up this morning at 5:30am, lol!! (NOT intentionally!!)! You and your hubby are holding space for and giving permission to those of us who know instinctively and because of our experience OF HIM, that God loves us and all of His creation deeply…but we also feel the tension of the times we are living in. I think deconstruction is beautiful because it means that we are dismantling and breaking down the RELIGION we’ve been living and seeking the relationship that God created us for. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story and speaking truth. We are each and all beloved. It took me a while to find that truth as well, but once I did (once we each do) there’s no going back. Praise God!
Amen. It was so scary in the interim but I knew there had to be something better (and that God was pulling me there ever so gently). "No going back" is exactly right!
I am as well! I’ve never been to your neck of the woods and that area. We don’t have that kind of thinking here from my observation; however, I have discovered for myself that attending church for me is in an assisted living facility. One of the senior residents is a former Methodist pastor. Since the group of seniors there are all from various denominations I really enjoy the services as they universally focus on embracing each other’s differences and appreciating them. So glad I discovered your movement. I feel home from afar in Michigan 💕🙏
I also attended one of these very legalistic Christian colleges, partly because I felt I needed to go there to protect myself from horrors I had experienced just prior to going off to school-- and mostly because I felt unworthy of God if I didn't. I relate to this post so deeply, it hurts. In a good way. A still-processing-my-internalized-sense-of-badness-way. THANK YOU for this piece. So much damage has been done to so many in the name of Christianity. This helps me to consider how I help my nearly-grown sons frame their faith and their lives in a more balanced way. I am grateful that they did not grow up in a church environment that felt like its sole purpose was to further patriarchal damage, but still. I'm rambling, but I am grateful.
Sending love to you, Michelle. Be patient with yourself! It's a slow, nonlinear journey. I'm sorry you've had similar experiences but it's good to know we're not alone.
This was really great! Thanks for sharing and the vulnerability. I’ve been so intrigued and in the process deconstructing/questioning this idea of eternal damnation. I’d love to know any good resources you or Zach may have encountered on the subject.
Also here are a few of books I found helpful: Her Gates Will Never Be Shut by Brad Jersak, The Inescapable Love of God by Thomas Talbott, and Grace Saves All by David Artman.
Zach replied because I can't read the books! Ha. My ADHD brain shuts down. I think I've absorbed the books through conversations with him :) thanks for your kind comment!
I loved the whole article, and I found this line particularly insightful: “If you believe in a punitive God, with yourself as deserving of punishment, you will see others as deserving of the same. Conversely, if you see God as primarily loving, with yourself as deeply beloved, you will see others as worthy of love. We can disagree about a lot of things and still be on the same team, but I wonder about this particular belief. ”
I’m wondering if that belief is what most divides Christians today (and I admit to wondering if we’re on the same team because of it). When I look around and see so many Christians, including those I attend church with, supporting things I find abhorrent, I wonder how that’s related to core beliefs about exactly who God is. I try to give them grace, following the example of Jesus, but sometimes that’s a huge challenge.
This resonates with me although I somehow made it through adolescence knowing that God loves me in the best way, and the cross was the dramatic demonstration of that love for the whole of humanity. As an adult and as the spouse of a pastor, I have worked imperfectly at overcoming the judgments that came with growing up evangelical. I agree with the idea that the Bible is a story of humanity and the loving God who pursues us into Life. Thanks for this!
Amen. I had a similar realization that the fruit of my upbringing was self-righteousness, condemnation, and shame. God led me to “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”, and that was the beginning of me discovering who God through Jesus actually is, and beginning to trust that God is trustworthy. He brought me from darkness to light, praise be to God.
A) you unlocked some college memories while simultaneously helping me see a facet of our college experience I never realized
B) “If you believe in a punitive God, with yourself as deserving of punishment, you will see others as deserving of the same. Conversely, if you see God as primarily loving, with yourself as deeply beloved, you will see others as worthy of love.” This is one of the reasons I’ve found it difficult to go back to church even though I have a desire for community. Honestly scares me.
C) Thank you for sharing your life experiences. This gave me hope and a desire to press into the goodness of God.
So good to hear from you! I didn't want to go to church for a long time (and I'm married to the pastor). I still don't some weeks and I try not to feel guilty about it, although that programming is strong. In my experience, God is PATIENT, more than I ever imagined. Keep leaning into that goodness and you're good, whatever the next step is.
Amy...I so relate to this post. My early years as a Christian were filled with images of being "left behind." It was all anyone was talking about in the mid 1970s. I was suffering from major depression at the time and it pushed me over the edge. Later, after I had deconstructed (which was fraught with anxiety as well) I began to understand the coercion of the Evangelical way of understanding the Bible.
Evangelicalism preys on people with anxiety in order to keep the ranks in check. For those of us who struggle with mental health, it can be a deadly combination. I'm glad we both made it out with our faith 💛 it's so much better on this side!
Yes it is! I'm glad to share a similar story, Amy.
This is one of the most powerful theological exorcisms I’ve read in a long time.
The image of a four-year-old internalizing penance for the Passion—as if the cross were his fault—is a devastating indictment of how violence masquerading as virtue gets baptized in Sunday school glitter glue.
Amy, thank you for unmasking what so many of us swallowed in silence: a punitive God projected by people terrified of their own shame. Your journey from gold-foil medals to reclaiming divine love without the lash is sacred. Not because it’s polished, but because it’s honest.
Yes, the fruit of wrath theology is rotten. It feeds control, self-hatred, and cruelty disguised as righteousness. But the fruit of love? It liberates. It heals. It lets a mother say, My child will not inherit my chains.
May we all stop worshipping a god who needs blood to be okay with us, and start following the one who bleeds with us.
Amen, and pass the scissors for those flannelgraph thorns.
Thank you, thank you for this 💛
It's my 50th birthday today. I don't think I'll receive a better gift.
Thank you, Amy
Thank you for your kind words. I hope you have a wonderful birthday!! 50 is an accomplishment to be celebrated!
Thank you for this. They were just the words I needed when I woke up this morning at 5:30am, lol!! (NOT intentionally!!)! You and your hubby are holding space for and giving permission to those of us who know instinctively and because of our experience OF HIM, that God loves us and all of His creation deeply…but we also feel the tension of the times we are living in. I think deconstruction is beautiful because it means that we are dismantling and breaking down the RELIGION we’ve been living and seeking the relationship that God created us for. ❤️
Thank you ❤️ we are so loved. I hope you get to take a nap today!
We are!!!! I hope I do too!! 🤣 Have a great day!
Thank you for sharing your story and speaking truth. We are each and all beloved. It took me a while to find that truth as well, but once I did (once we each do) there’s no going back. Praise God!
Amen. It was so scary in the interim but I knew there had to be something better (and that God was pulling me there ever so gently). "No going back" is exactly right!
Another profoundly relatable writing. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. May God continue to bless you and all of us as he does!
Thank you, Christine. I'm thankful that we've all found each other.
I am as well! I’ve never been to your neck of the woods and that area. We don’t have that kind of thinking here from my observation; however, I have discovered for myself that attending church for me is in an assisted living facility. One of the senior residents is a former Methodist pastor. Since the group of seniors there are all from various denominations I really enjoy the services as they universally focus on embracing each other’s differences and appreciating them. So glad I discovered your movement. I feel home from afar in Michigan 💕🙏
I would probably steer clear of Texas for awhile 😩 glad you've found a place to belong!
I also attended one of these very legalistic Christian colleges, partly because I felt I needed to go there to protect myself from horrors I had experienced just prior to going off to school-- and mostly because I felt unworthy of God if I didn't. I relate to this post so deeply, it hurts. In a good way. A still-processing-my-internalized-sense-of-badness-way. THANK YOU for this piece. So much damage has been done to so many in the name of Christianity. This helps me to consider how I help my nearly-grown sons frame their faith and their lives in a more balanced way. I am grateful that they did not grow up in a church environment that felt like its sole purpose was to further patriarchal damage, but still. I'm rambling, but I am grateful.
Sending love to you, Michelle. Be patient with yourself! It's a slow, nonlinear journey. I'm sorry you've had similar experiences but it's good to know we're not alone.
This was really great! Thanks for sharing and the vulnerability. I’ve been so intrigued and in the process deconstructing/questioning this idea of eternal damnation. I’d love to know any good resources you or Zach may have encountered on the subject.
Happy to help, Eric! Here's an overview sermon on the subject I preached last year: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNxvDL91npA&list=PLHBKkNEwqaH-EGT8qV72jSQovCD1RCZFA&index=4&t=4s&ab_channel=RestoreAustin
Also here are a few of books I found helpful: Her Gates Will Never Be Shut by Brad Jersak, The Inescapable Love of God by Thomas Talbott, and Grace Saves All by David Artman.
Eager to listen, thank you!
Zach replied because I can't read the books! Ha. My ADHD brain shuts down. I think I've absorbed the books through conversations with him :) thanks for your kind comment!
Thank you so very much for sharing this.
You're very welcome. Thanks for being here!
Amen. Thank you. ❤️❤️
So happy it resonated with you!
I loved the whole article, and I found this line particularly insightful: “If you believe in a punitive God, with yourself as deserving of punishment, you will see others as deserving of the same. Conversely, if you see God as primarily loving, with yourself as deeply beloved, you will see others as worthy of love. We can disagree about a lot of things and still be on the same team, but I wonder about this particular belief. ”
I’m wondering if that belief is what most divides Christians today (and I admit to wondering if we’re on the same team because of it). When I look around and see so many Christians, including those I attend church with, supporting things I find abhorrent, I wonder how that’s related to core beliefs about exactly who God is. I try to give them grace, following the example of Jesus, but sometimes that’s a huge challenge.
100% agree. That fundamental difference is leading us in radically different directions.
This resonates with me although I somehow made it through adolescence knowing that God loves me in the best way, and the cross was the dramatic demonstration of that love for the whole of humanity. As an adult and as the spouse of a pastor, I have worked imperfectly at overcoming the judgments that came with growing up evangelical. I agree with the idea that the Bible is a story of humanity and the loving God who pursues us into Life. Thanks for this!
Thanks for your sweet comment! That Evangelical judgment (and mine was of the Baptist variety! ha) is tough to escape.
YES!
I sent the article to my friend who represented death row inmates. He wrote an article on the blood and violence in society and religion.
So, so good, Amy. Thank you for sharing this part of your story.
Thank you, Allan!
Amen. I had a similar realization that the fruit of my upbringing was self-righteousness, condemnation, and shame. God led me to “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”, and that was the beginning of me discovering who God through Jesus actually is, and beginning to trust that God is trustworthy. He brought me from darkness to light, praise be to God.
Beautiful. That verse was instrumental for me, too.