“Like anyone else, I have views that are informed by my faith, but I’ve never been a decision-maker in one of these situations (or someone affected by the decision), so my opinion doesn’t matter very much”
If more people took this stance on issues that don’t affect them or their personal life and just accepted things as they are, we would all be better off.
One of my grandchildren is trans. We all had to adjust our thinking as a result. I'm proud to say he (formerly she) is still an accepted part of the family. I have gone out of my way to make sure of it. Anyone who tries to give him a hard time will answer to me for their behaviour. Jesus didn't discriminate and neither should we.
After reading this article, this comment genuinely made me cry. I hope to have kids somewhat soon, and I’m just so relieved to hear stories of supportive families in situations like this. There is so much in the world to hurt our loved ones, the best we can do is make as safe of a space as possible, especially for the young. I was given that by my family, and an enormous part of who I am as a person comes from the emotional results of feeling accepted and encouraged as a kid. I’m almost done with a phd and felt comfortable enough to go to church still, even while regularly verbally disagreeing with leadership there on politics and theology. I’m really glad your grandson has the space to gain confidence in who they’ve decided to be too.
I have made a point of telling certain people that Jesus is not recorded as saying a single word about gays or trans, not one word, so why should anyone else? That has caused some raised eyebrows, but it's true.
Zach, like you, I also used to believe that to be LGBTQ was a sin, or at least I didn't know whether it was or not and I was grappling with it. It all began to clear up for me when I was in college, where I learned that there were babies born with both genitalia, or were androgynous due to hormones, etc.. Then, it finally all became clear for me when I studied under a professor who, when she was earning her doctorate, did her thesis on homosexual animals. I'm looking forward to Part 2 as well!
Very good post! My gay brother's grandchild is transgender. He still has trouble adjusting to the change. Still finds himself referring to the name given at birth. I agree that if it does not affect you personally then you should just move forward. Let those that live this life deal with it without any condemnation. Acceptance is the best move. The worst phrase I hear is "Hate the sin...not the sinner"
Honestly! I’m so grateful for the passion you’re bringing in defending inclusion in the church.
I’m a gay Christian in a committed same-sex relationship. Both my partner and I care deeply about following Jesus with integrity and truth. We’ve suffered immensely at the hands of Christians who’ve believed their mistreatment of us is not only justified… but is beyond discussion. My parents refuse to see me and have never met my partner. I’ve had to make peace that this painful reality may never change.
I say all this to name how personal and real these conversations are for me. I’m not coming at this from the sidelines… i’m deep in the trenches. So, I’d like to gently push back on something I’ve been noticing from my vantage point in the trenches.
More and more, I’m seeing terms like homophobia and transphobia used in ways that feel flattening and unhelpful. I understand the urgency behind those words. And God knows I’ve felt their weight firsthand! But I worry that they’re becoming so broad and over-applied that they’re actually losing any meaning. More and more, I hear them used to describe anyone who doesn’t entirely cheerfully affirm or agree… even when their disagreement is expressed with great care and thoughtfulness.
I’ve seen this kind of grandstanding, moral purity, rigidity, and bullying of viewpoint diversity in progressive circles actually increasing hostility toward actual LGBT people… not lessening it. It’s making it significantly more difficult to build bridges, find nuance, and offer people a tangible on-ramp to potential understanding.
Personally, I feel cautious around certain aspects of trans and gender ideology myself. I have real concerns about unhindered access to spaces traditionally protected for biological females… sports, prisons, homeless shelters, locker rooms, and so on. I wrestle with how quickly gender-nonconforming children are being funneled through medicalized “gender affirming” pathways… often with little to no room to simply explore who they are without assuming a rejection of their sexed body… as well as little to no scientific backing that these procedures will be affective in the long run.
As a gender-nonconforming kid myself, if I had grown up in a progressive environment today, I truly believe I would’ve been coerced through the transition process… rather than being allowed to simply grow into a differing kind of manhood… and on my own timeline.
I now love being male. But that didn’t come naturally—it took work. I don’t resonate with the macho “He-man” version of masculinity, but I’ve come to see my own masculinity as something good, something I can inhabit with integrity. That’s part of my story too. And yet even raising these concerns has gotten me labeled as a transphobe… lumped in with people I have almost nothing in common with. Some have even gone so far as to call people like me “eggs” with internalized transphobia, who just haven’t yet realized we should’ve transitioned.
I could be wrong… about all of this! Even about being affirming. But I believe concern can be a gift. It can invite deeper reflection rather than deepen division. And I worry that the way we’re using some of these terms is muddying the waters for the kind of conversation we could be having.
I’m actually quite afraid of the backlash I’m likely to receive if I more openly expressing a dissenting opinion in the community of LGBT folks + allies. It seems we’re losing the ability to hold space for necessary conversation and concern when “harm” is invoked too easily, or when disagreement is equated with violence.
So, I guess my question is: is there a way for folks to reasonably and kindly disagree on this without being ‘ideologically crucified’ under the accusations of homophobia and transphobia?
Hey, J. Richard! Thanks for taking the time to share some of your story and express your feelings so vulnerably. I agree with you in a general sense and spend quite a bit of time advocating for healthy dialogue across lines of disagreement, but I also believe there is a need to speak directly. I have no desire to "ideologically crucify" anyone, but by definition (according to Oxford), homophobia is the "dislike of or prejudice against gay people." In faith spaces, this prejudice manifests itself in limitations on people because of their sexual orientation.
As I said in the post: "This is discrimination. Someone can claim it’s God-ordained discrimination, but it’s discrimination nonetheless." People who believe God and/or the Bible instructs them to discriminate against LGBTQ+ folks should be able to admit that and be clear. They believe this discrimination will lead LGBTQ+ to repent from their sinful sexuality and return to the path of Christ, but we believe that is incorrect. Someone can semantically quibble with my word choice, but I'm not disparaging anyone by recognizing this difference.
Lastly, as I pointed out in the post, "phobias are not the same as believing something isn’t God’s best. For example: I can believe Christians should abstain from alcohol without discriminating against people who drink. We can all understand the difference." People can believe that same-sex relationships are not God's best for someone else (or themselves) or have questions about transitioning without discriminating against people who feel differently. I'll talk more about it in Part 2, but we do this all the time in a liberal democracy and pluralistic society.
Hope that helps answer your question and clear up my perspective, but I'm happy to chat more if you'd like to!
Hey Zach, thanks for taking the time to respond. I really respect your heart here and agree that both of us care deeply about the full inclusion of LGBT people in the church.
That said, I think your response may be sidestepping the heart of my concern… specifically, how terms like homophobia and transphobia are being used. I know you don’t intend to use them carelessly, but we still need to be honest about how they function in public discourse.
The Oxford definition is one thing, but in practice, these words are often flippantly being used to shut people down. They’re often not describing hate, but instead are being weaponized to morally disqualify anyone who disagrees. That is a dangerous slope! Sexuality and gender have seemingly become sacrosanct in progressivism. They are beyond any question or critique. Because of this we’re failing to create safety. We’re actually creating resentment, backlash, and deeper polarization. Calling people “harmful” or “phobic” for raising honest questions or for disagreeing doesn’t persuade… it hardens.
I hold strong theological convictions, but I refuse to wield these convictions as weapons. That applies whether someone believes same-sex relationships are sinful OR sacred. As a gay Christian, I believe my faith requires me to honor the right of other Christians to disagree with me… even those who see me as sinful. I don’t have to like it, but I can’t demand their agreement. I also can’t demonize their beliefs as inherently ‘phobic’. To do so would be to replicate the same fundamentalism that once harmed me.
If we can’t come to the table with those who believe we don’t belong… even calmly, rationally, and in the Spirit of Christ… we end up reinforcing their very rhetoric: that we can’t coexist, that we’re unwilling to engage, that inclusion means silencing dissent. That is not justice! That’s ideological coercion!
I live in Portland… one of the most progressive cities in the world… and I’m watching this kind of polarization play out in real time. Activism is mutating into moral panic. We’ve lost the ability to reason together or persuade one another winsomely. Worse, many within the Queer crowd are now actively seeking out opposition for the internet as proof of victimhood. This is entrapment…. not liberation.
Zach, I’m concerned. And I just don’t think we can afford this.
Thank you Zach! Knowledge and learning, compassion and grace is so essential when navigating this topic. I wish everyone could get this! It is just so simple-does not have to be complicated. You unpacked it all with such clarity. Thank you Zach!!!
What’s kinda funny is that, as a cis-het man watching the church do and say godless things to minority communities for most of my life, “I’m not going to let anybody take Jesus away from me” was my saving grace too, obviously in a different less-intense way of course. Wrestling with how all the churches I knew at the time held these very specific and targeted negative beliefs about lgbtq+ folks really made me not want to be a “christian” anymore, but that was just its own thing apart from following Jesus, because they don’t and never have owned Jesus and he doesn’t answer to us. Another blog y’all recommended recently posted about “prophetic imagination”, both the concept and the book of the same name, and a big takeaway for me so far is that the god of “order and triumph” that somehow perfectly supports all the majority hierarchies of modern america is not God. The audacity to assert that it certainly is God is at this point shocking to me. May we never find ourselves justifying oppression by painting God red, white, cis-het, male, and blue. Maybe we should bother finding out what He thinks for once.
Thank you, Zach. From Portland, Oregon. Really enjoy your articles; intellect, Scripture, and the love you send out. Much confusion surrounding the Christian Church and political climate. Don't understand. But appreciate your centering and pulling people back to Jesus' teachings.
Lesbian who loves the Lord here! I so enjoy reading your posts. That quote from Jones is exactly why I stuck around too.
“I’m not going to let anybody take Jesus from me.”
If they don’t think he loves me that’s one thing. But I can FEEL that he does. So it made my skin a lot thicker.
Amen, my friend! So glad you stuck around and that you're here 😁
“Like anyone else, I have views that are informed by my faith, but I’ve never been a decision-maker in one of these situations (or someone affected by the decision), so my opinion doesn’t matter very much”
If more people took this stance on issues that don’t affect them or their personal life and just accepted things as they are, we would all be better off.
Let’s just try to keep our own lives in order.
Completely agree.
One of my grandchildren is trans. We all had to adjust our thinking as a result. I'm proud to say he (formerly she) is still an accepted part of the family. I have gone out of my way to make sure of it. Anyone who tries to give him a hard time will answer to me for their behaviour. Jesus didn't discriminate and neither should we.
Love this, Michael!
Thanks. We've had to adjust our attitudes, but doing it made us grow as humans.
After reading this article, this comment genuinely made me cry. I hope to have kids somewhat soon, and I’m just so relieved to hear stories of supportive families in situations like this. There is so much in the world to hurt our loved ones, the best we can do is make as safe of a space as possible, especially for the young. I was given that by my family, and an enormous part of who I am as a person comes from the emotional results of feeling accepted and encouraged as a kid. I’m almost done with a phd and felt comfortable enough to go to church still, even while regularly verbally disagreeing with leadership there on politics and theology. I’m really glad your grandson has the space to gain confidence in who they’ve decided to be too.
It's wonderful to hear of a grandfather with this perspective!
Thanks, but I'm not special. It's just common decency.
I have made a point of telling certain people that Jesus is not recorded as saying a single word about gays or trans, not one word, so why should anyone else? That has caused some raised eyebrows, but it's true.
Excellent read!
Thank you for your stance.
It’s crazy how simple things get when you focus on just loving people like Jesus did.🙏🏾
PS- You’ve inspired me to write about this topic as it relates specifically to the Black church.😩😎
I can't wait to read that! Please send it to me when you do, Nita.
Zach, like you, I also used to believe that to be LGBTQ was a sin, or at least I didn't know whether it was or not and I was grappling with it. It all began to clear up for me when I was in college, where I learned that there were babies born with both genitalia, or were androgynous due to hormones, etc.. Then, it finally all became clear for me when I studied under a professor who, when she was earning her doctorate, did her thesis on homosexual animals. I'm looking forward to Part 2 as well!
Thank you for helping me to fill in some of the gaps in my understanding, Zach. I’m looking forward to reading Part 2!
Very good post! My gay brother's grandchild is transgender. He still has trouble adjusting to the change. Still finds himself referring to the name given at birth. I agree that if it does not affect you personally then you should just move forward. Let those that live this life deal with it without any condemnation. Acceptance is the best move. The worst phrase I hear is "Hate the sin...not the sinner"
I solved the pronoun issue by just saying 'mate' - good Aussie greeting.
I solved tge pronoun issue by just saying 'mate' - good Aussie greeting.
Zach, I really appreciate the work you do.
Honestly! I’m so grateful for the passion you’re bringing in defending inclusion in the church.
I’m a gay Christian in a committed same-sex relationship. Both my partner and I care deeply about following Jesus with integrity and truth. We’ve suffered immensely at the hands of Christians who’ve believed their mistreatment of us is not only justified… but is beyond discussion. My parents refuse to see me and have never met my partner. I’ve had to make peace that this painful reality may never change.
I say all this to name how personal and real these conversations are for me. I’m not coming at this from the sidelines… i’m deep in the trenches. So, I’d like to gently push back on something I’ve been noticing from my vantage point in the trenches.
More and more, I’m seeing terms like homophobia and transphobia used in ways that feel flattening and unhelpful. I understand the urgency behind those words. And God knows I’ve felt their weight firsthand! But I worry that they’re becoming so broad and over-applied that they’re actually losing any meaning. More and more, I hear them used to describe anyone who doesn’t entirely cheerfully affirm or agree… even when their disagreement is expressed with great care and thoughtfulness.
I’ve seen this kind of grandstanding, moral purity, rigidity, and bullying of viewpoint diversity in progressive circles actually increasing hostility toward actual LGBT people… not lessening it. It’s making it significantly more difficult to build bridges, find nuance, and offer people a tangible on-ramp to potential understanding.
Personally, I feel cautious around certain aspects of trans and gender ideology myself. I have real concerns about unhindered access to spaces traditionally protected for biological females… sports, prisons, homeless shelters, locker rooms, and so on. I wrestle with how quickly gender-nonconforming children are being funneled through medicalized “gender affirming” pathways… often with little to no room to simply explore who they are without assuming a rejection of their sexed body… as well as little to no scientific backing that these procedures will be affective in the long run.
As a gender-nonconforming kid myself, if I had grown up in a progressive environment today, I truly believe I would’ve been coerced through the transition process… rather than being allowed to simply grow into a differing kind of manhood… and on my own timeline.
I now love being male. But that didn’t come naturally—it took work. I don’t resonate with the macho “He-man” version of masculinity, but I’ve come to see my own masculinity as something good, something I can inhabit with integrity. That’s part of my story too. And yet even raising these concerns has gotten me labeled as a transphobe… lumped in with people I have almost nothing in common with. Some have even gone so far as to call people like me “eggs” with internalized transphobia, who just haven’t yet realized we should’ve transitioned.
I could be wrong… about all of this! Even about being affirming. But I believe concern can be a gift. It can invite deeper reflection rather than deepen division. And I worry that the way we’re using some of these terms is muddying the waters for the kind of conversation we could be having.
I’m actually quite afraid of the backlash I’m likely to receive if I more openly expressing a dissenting opinion in the community of LGBT folks + allies. It seems we’re losing the ability to hold space for necessary conversation and concern when “harm” is invoked too easily, or when disagreement is equated with violence.
So, I guess my question is: is there a way for folks to reasonably and kindly disagree on this without being ‘ideologically crucified’ under the accusations of homophobia and transphobia?
Hey, J. Richard! Thanks for taking the time to share some of your story and express your feelings so vulnerably. I agree with you in a general sense and spend quite a bit of time advocating for healthy dialogue across lines of disagreement, but I also believe there is a need to speak directly. I have no desire to "ideologically crucify" anyone, but by definition (according to Oxford), homophobia is the "dislike of or prejudice against gay people." In faith spaces, this prejudice manifests itself in limitations on people because of their sexual orientation.
As I said in the post: "This is discrimination. Someone can claim it’s God-ordained discrimination, but it’s discrimination nonetheless." People who believe God and/or the Bible instructs them to discriminate against LGBTQ+ folks should be able to admit that and be clear. They believe this discrimination will lead LGBTQ+ to repent from their sinful sexuality and return to the path of Christ, but we believe that is incorrect. Someone can semantically quibble with my word choice, but I'm not disparaging anyone by recognizing this difference.
Lastly, as I pointed out in the post, "phobias are not the same as believing something isn’t God’s best. For example: I can believe Christians should abstain from alcohol without discriminating against people who drink. We can all understand the difference." People can believe that same-sex relationships are not God's best for someone else (or themselves) or have questions about transitioning without discriminating against people who feel differently. I'll talk more about it in Part 2, but we do this all the time in a liberal democracy and pluralistic society.
Hope that helps answer your question and clear up my perspective, but I'm happy to chat more if you'd like to!
Hey Zach, thanks for taking the time to respond. I really respect your heart here and agree that both of us care deeply about the full inclusion of LGBT people in the church.
That said, I think your response may be sidestepping the heart of my concern… specifically, how terms like homophobia and transphobia are being used. I know you don’t intend to use them carelessly, but we still need to be honest about how they function in public discourse.
The Oxford definition is one thing, but in practice, these words are often flippantly being used to shut people down. They’re often not describing hate, but instead are being weaponized to morally disqualify anyone who disagrees. That is a dangerous slope! Sexuality and gender have seemingly become sacrosanct in progressivism. They are beyond any question or critique. Because of this we’re failing to create safety. We’re actually creating resentment, backlash, and deeper polarization. Calling people “harmful” or “phobic” for raising honest questions or for disagreeing doesn’t persuade… it hardens.
I hold strong theological convictions, but I refuse to wield these convictions as weapons. That applies whether someone believes same-sex relationships are sinful OR sacred. As a gay Christian, I believe my faith requires me to honor the right of other Christians to disagree with me… even those who see me as sinful. I don’t have to like it, but I can’t demand their agreement. I also can’t demonize their beliefs as inherently ‘phobic’. To do so would be to replicate the same fundamentalism that once harmed me.
If we can’t come to the table with those who believe we don’t belong… even calmly, rationally, and in the Spirit of Christ… we end up reinforcing their very rhetoric: that we can’t coexist, that we’re unwilling to engage, that inclusion means silencing dissent. That is not justice! That’s ideological coercion!
I live in Portland… one of the most progressive cities in the world… and I’m watching this kind of polarization play out in real time. Activism is mutating into moral panic. We’ve lost the ability to reason together or persuade one another winsomely. Worse, many within the Queer crowd are now actively seeking out opposition for the internet as proof of victimhood. This is entrapment…. not liberation.
Zach, I’m concerned. And I just don’t think we can afford this.
Thank you Zach! Knowledge and learning, compassion and grace is so essential when navigating this topic. I wish everyone could get this! It is just so simple-does not have to be complicated. You unpacked it all with such clarity. Thank you Zach!!!
Thank you.
Thanks Zach. I appreciate this information
What’s kinda funny is that, as a cis-het man watching the church do and say godless things to minority communities for most of my life, “I’m not going to let anybody take Jesus away from me” was my saving grace too, obviously in a different less-intense way of course. Wrestling with how all the churches I knew at the time held these very specific and targeted negative beliefs about lgbtq+ folks really made me not want to be a “christian” anymore, but that was just its own thing apart from following Jesus, because they don’t and never have owned Jesus and he doesn’t answer to us. Another blog y’all recommended recently posted about “prophetic imagination”, both the concept and the book of the same name, and a big takeaway for me so far is that the god of “order and triumph” that somehow perfectly supports all the majority hierarchies of modern america is not God. The audacity to assert that it certainly is God is at this point shocking to me. May we never find ourselves justifying oppression by painting God red, white, cis-het, male, and blue. Maybe we should bother finding out what He thinks for once.
I always think about Matthew 19:12 where Jesus himself calls his followers to accept those who are biologically different than me.
I believe what Jesus says. Naturally, acceptance and ally-ship follows for me. Who am I to judge?
Thank you, Zach. From Portland, Oregon. Really enjoy your articles; intellect, Scripture, and the love you send out. Much confusion surrounding the Christian Church and political climate. Don't understand. But appreciate your centering and pulling people back to Jesus' teachings.
Thank you, Zach. Clear and helpful. Looking forward to part 2.
Thank you for speaking out about this at personal cost to yourself and your family. I have been so helped by your words and kindness.