This is a really good post and something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. In 2025, I’m hoping to invest more in people I can be completely open and honest and respectfully disagree with. I’m also hoping to limit my time with those who seem to view any disagreement as a threat to be neutralized. I’m coming to realize some of the relationships I’ve had for years are not all that close because I hide my true opinions. I’m hoping to make a change in 2025 and am excited about the possibilities of this space. (I’m also glad to be part of Restore and the close community I’ve found!)
I've realized the same thing lately, Ryan, re: relationships where I have to heavily censor my thoughts. Glad you're feeling connected here and at Restore- we're thankful for your influence and input!
“Unconditional Positive Regard” is an easy trap to fall into for those of us who come from highly partisan environments and are trying to shed the hate. Good word.
It is interesting to note that most Americans feel that technology plays a positive role in helping them connect, form relationships and feel less alone; while at the same time, younger people, who are immersed in and grew up with social media are more likely to report feeling lonely and disconnected.
I think the important distinction here is the feeling of belonging to a community—a community which exists apart from the technology which facilitates a connection to that community. A telephone enables talking to others over great distances, but will only make you feel less alone if the person on the other end of the line is part of a shared community of people who care about one another. A community like Public Theology, for example.
Not all digital communication is created equal. You are exactly right, Jim.
So much of what passes for online "community" is really just "influencers" presenting a very curated version of themselves and engagement harvesting. Unfortunately, so many kids and teens don't realize how curated (and even outright fake) it is and so they try to emulate it which leads to more loneliness and other mental health struggles.
Ya’ll, this is beautiful. Thank you for putting language to this. I was just researching earlier today suicide in the US and it’s quite disheartening. I’m not implying that loneliness is the sole contributor to suicide, but it is certainly a factor.
I normally don’t like when people do this because it feels promotey (if that’s a word) but I wrote a piece just recently about the epidemic among men being loneliness and it was by far my most engaged with. There is much conversation to be had about this. Thank you all for adding your wisdom to it.
Just read it (along with your letter to your seventeen-year-old self). Thank you for sharing and self promoting here 😊 I appreciated both pieces and resonated with much of what you said. I would love to hear more about the work you're doing with your company!
Thanks so much for writing this. I remember being so lonely in college that it was physically painful and made it hard to breathe. After that experience, I can totally see how loneliness is deadly, and I worry about anyone who is experiencing it.
This was a great post. I will make an effort to connect with others in 2025. Sometimes practicing partisanship is “safe” because you’re around like minds. You have less chances of offending anyone, or feeling offense yourself. Thanks for the insight.
This is a really good post and something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. In 2025, I’m hoping to invest more in people I can be completely open and honest and respectfully disagree with. I’m also hoping to limit my time with those who seem to view any disagreement as a threat to be neutralized. I’m coming to realize some of the relationships I’ve had for years are not all that close because I hide my true opinions. I’m hoping to make a change in 2025 and am excited about the possibilities of this space. (I’m also glad to be part of Restore and the close community I’ve found!)
I've realized the same thing lately, Ryan, re: relationships where I have to heavily censor my thoughts. Glad you're feeling connected here and at Restore- we're thankful for your influence and input!
Love this, Ryan!
“Unconditional Positive Regard” is an easy trap to fall into for those of us who come from highly partisan environments and are trying to shed the hate. Good word.
Completely agree, Bobby. I've often fallen into the trap as a reaction to fundamentalist partisanism.
It is interesting to note that most Americans feel that technology plays a positive role in helping them connect, form relationships and feel less alone; while at the same time, younger people, who are immersed in and grew up with social media are more likely to report feeling lonely and disconnected.
I think the important distinction here is the feeling of belonging to a community—a community which exists apart from the technology which facilitates a connection to that community. A telephone enables talking to others over great distances, but will only make you feel less alone if the person on the other end of the line is part of a shared community of people who care about one another. A community like Public Theology, for example.
Not all digital communication is created equal. You are exactly right, Jim.
So much of what passes for online "community" is really just "influencers" presenting a very curated version of themselves and engagement harvesting. Unfortunately, so many kids and teens don't realize how curated (and even outright fake) it is and so they try to emulate it which leads to more loneliness and other mental health struggles.
Ya’ll, this is beautiful. Thank you for putting language to this. I was just researching earlier today suicide in the US and it’s quite disheartening. I’m not implying that loneliness is the sole contributor to suicide, but it is certainly a factor.
I normally don’t like when people do this because it feels promotey (if that’s a word) but I wrote a piece just recently about the epidemic among men being loneliness and it was by far my most engaged with. There is much conversation to be had about this. Thank you all for adding your wisdom to it.
Here’s my take from a therapists perspective, for what it’s worth! https://open.substack.com/pub/blakeroberts/p/theres-an-epidemic-among-men?r=1dl27o&utm_medium=ios
Just read it (along with your letter to your seventeen-year-old self). Thank you for sharing and self promoting here 😊 I appreciated both pieces and resonated with much of what you said. I would love to hear more about the work you're doing with your company!
Thanks so much Amy! Glad to connect with you.
Thanks for sharing this, Blake! Can’t wait to read it
Thanks so much for writing this. I remember being so lonely in college that it was physically painful and made it hard to breathe. After that experience, I can totally see how loneliness is deadly, and I worry about anyone who is experiencing it.
Thanks for vulnerable sharing this, Stephen. The physical manifestations of loneliness can be intense. I'm so sorry you had to walk through that.
This was a great post. I will make an effort to connect with others in 2025. Sometimes practicing partisanship is “safe” because you’re around like minds. You have less chances of offending anyone, or feeling offense yourself. Thanks for the insight.
The fear of offending and being offended (both!) resonates with me! Thanks for sharing.
Technology can be a positive to help people connect with those they might otherwise never meet.
We are social animals, but that doesn't always have to be face to face. We need a balance.
Our new neighbour, who we met yesterday, says she is better with animals than people. I understand that.
Social media and COVID has fueled this and Felon 47 will feed it. Welcome to the next 4 years
The loneliness crisis has nothing to do with raising boys on pornography. Nothing.