At my old church, I was discussing a situation I was dealing with where a teacher locked my kid in a closet for 6 hours out of an 8 hour school day, among other things... When discussing the situation with a leader in my church and about how we were filing a lawsuit against the school, he said "Why not just forgive?" I can't tell you the level of rage that went through my body at that point. I called him out at our next meeting together. Forgiveness doesn't mean I hand you the hatchet to use it on me again. It means I bury the hatchet in the ground rather than in your skull. The pursuit for justice doesn't simply disappear because we decided not to get revenge. It just means we don't follow our darker impulses and do what we should not do.
I am so sorry, Shane. I work in special ed in Texas and these cameras are vital. Thank you for advocating on behalf of so many kids who often can't advocate for themselves.
I have taught that forgiveness is NOT taking the hook out of the wrong doer's mouth; they alone are responsible for the 4 R's that eventually yield reconciliation. Forgiveness is cutting the line so the injured party can begin to heal.
I have a memory in which I was hurt by my pastor. I've struggled as to whether or not I have forgiven him, and your essay has helped understand my feelings, Zach. Interestingly, the hurt was about the subject of forgiveness! I began attending a new start up church and became friends (I thought) with a woman there. It turned out she was very emotionally abusive and, as a psychotherapist, I had suspicions of a personality disorder. She came after me online and by text for a week and said horrible things. I was speaking to my pastor (I needed his help emotionally about the incident) and he wanted nothing to do with it, and then, when I said I had forgiven her but I wouldn't allow her back in my life, he registered shock. Then...the worst part, a couple of weeks later he was preaching on forgiveness and said, "A couple of weeks ago someone told me they would forgive someone but not allow them back into their life!!!" He then proceeded to teach how wrong that was. Thankfully, I was home ill and watching it online that Sunday. I don't know how I would've handled it if I had been sitting right there! I don't wish him any harm, but I've always felt weird about still having that memory. Of course I remember it! I'm a human being with a God given memory system.
Oh my goodness, Linda. That is such a horrible thing for your pastor to do. I'm so sorry. The weaponization of forgiveness, especially in faith communities, is a huge problem. I'm glad the essay helped clarify the experience for you and I hope it helps you on your journey toward healing!
Thanks, Zach. It took me another 2 years and many “incidents “ before I left the community…and that was only due to Covid lockdowns and being shamed for not claiming my protection and being afraid of death. It pushed me the rest of the way through deconstruction but thank God I will always follow Jesus.
What a difficult situation. I have had similar experiences with emotionally abusive people in my adulthood- it is so hard to know how to handle these situations, especially within the context of church. It sounds like you have done a great job of moving toward healthy boundaries! Remembering is normal. Keep taking care of yourself.
Thanks for this. I have survived two 20+ year marriages. I left both because I couldn't forgive, or trust. #1 cheated. #2 I feared harm. They did not ask for forgiveness... Or ask me to stay. So, not sure if that makes a difference?) Both allowed dividing the detritus fairly between us, with no alimony. I wanted peace and no legal requirement to ever speak again. Only had a cat with #1. 2 children with the second. They were in high school and lived with me until out in the world. Number 1, never saw or spoke again. I moved to opposite shores. Number 2, have not spoken except through the kids, but heard he found a wealthy gal who supports him,,, Neither wanted reconciliation, I have not offered it. My son has since ended his relationship with his father. My daughter tries to keep their connection going.
I don't have it in me to try again with another, so that is perhaps my long term loss? I have no trust in my own judgement. I always loved church, neither of these husbands did. Guess that should have been a sign?
It's easy to look back in judgment at your younger self, but you were most likely acting according to the information you had then and your best attempt at enacting it dutifully. I am grateful that I ended up with a good one, but it could have gone very differently based on what I was taught about being a woman and wife in my childhood churches. Go easy on your younger self and take care of yourself moving forward 💛
I love this! I have somewhat come to this realization on my own, but I still tend to feel guilty if I’m not trying to keep the relationship up, even though the relationship isn’t healthy. It’s a confusion in my mind about how we are to love other people…
What an amazing message, so full of wisdom! Thanks so much for your fresh perspective and for sharing your personal story too. I am sorry that you went through that as a kid and so grateful you kept holding onto faith despite it all!
Thank you for sharing. One of the things I struggle with is grief over the changed relationship and the ripple effect into other relationships. God did not release me from this person’s circle of influence four years ago so I remained. Honestly, obeying the Spirit’s gentle, quiet prompting to stay has been difficult for me. The hurt coming in waves at times taking my breath away each week. The waves of hurt are less now but can still seemingly come out of no where. Just this past Sunday the hurt seemed so fresh yet again. God has been faithful to continue to heal my spirit and mind. God has been the only lasting comfort through this journey. Only my immediate family know the details of the hurt and that is only because of the change in my personality after the interaction. God has been my confidant, the one to see my tears and hear the cries of my heart. He has been my comfort and peace. No human could have healed my heart and spirit the way He has. I am journeying through the grief now, understanding that the once close relationship with this person and a few others may not be reconciled in full until He returns. I am learning and God is faithful.
Thank you again for sharing. It was a needed reminder for me.
Hi Beth. Thank you for sharing your story here. I am so sorry for the grief you have experienced/are experiencing. I hope that you continue to find support for the pain caused by this person. Take care of yourself and let us know if you need any recommendations for counseling, etc.
Thank you for sharing too, Beth. I'm so sorry for what you've been put thought, but I'm so glad that God has been close to you through it all. Praying for your continued healing.
Hi Zach - I'm really, really sorry about the abuse that you suffered growing up. Dealing with bullies that are sanctioned by those in the church can lead to someone losing their faith - which is what happens a lot! I'm so grateful you shared this painful experience - you're not alone.
Second, you're an eloquent writer but forgot to mention the wisdom of the great RuPaul: forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
I had the opportunity to sit down with the great Dr. Jay Bhattacharya, who was struggling with forgiveness as a man of God (he openly shared this at a conference). I reminded him that he was wishing for the past to be different and relying on his own understanding of the circumstances. I won't go into the details, but he played a part in this betrayal by a friend - not that he wasn't hurt or a victim, but he didn't realize that God was setting him apart to do more extraordinary things, which he has done. I asked him to remember when he might have betrayed a friend himself because, typically, we are all guilty of something, if not the same thing, that we are resentful over.
It's all perspective, and yes, you're correct; if we lead with love, that also means love for ourselves, which means we do not need to put ourselves into abusive situations. That's not Godly love.
Thank you for this, Melissa. And I can't believe I forgot to quote RuPaul! That's such a great quote. Leading with love for everyone, including ourselves, is so important.
Thank you. I needed this so much. I struggle to forgive my father for his patriarchal control of our family and abusive assumptions of what my duty as his daughter was, and his belief that his son was so much more important and needed his protection more than I did.
His unkind words to me in the last months of his life when I did everything in my power to care for him as his health declined, something my brother was loath to do, sliced my heart in two. I was never enough, never good enough, devoted enough, smart enough, obedient enough. My. Entire. Life.
By contrast, my brother, no matter what he did, who he hurt, how much drugs he consumed, or crimes he committed, his mere existence warranted Dad’s devotion.
Dad passed in 2020 and I can honestly say I never felt grief over his death. I’ve tried to talk to family members about how I feel to try to work through these feelings and get to a place of forgiveness. I discovered I couldn’t talk to them because they judged me as being bitter and resentful, even if my words weren’t spoken in anger.
I’m hurting and need comfort, but because I haven’t forgiven and forgotten, I’m the one in the wrong. And I’ll never get the relationship that I always wanted with my father. Or justice.
But not forgiving him allows my father to keep hurting me from the grave. It’s a comfort to know that forgiveness doesn’t require forgetfulness.
Pat, I'm so sorry. I know so many people can relate to not getting what they needed from their parents, and it's so much more hurtful when it feels like our siblings received different treatment. The bondage of patriarchy is strong. I don't have any advice for you, but I appreciate your honesty in sharing this. Sending you love and prayers as you work through the hurt. I hope this community will encourage you in the process.
Gosh this is so hard, Pat. I'm really sorry. As Amy already said, the bondage and damage caused by patriarchy is devastating. This quote I included in the essay from Lewis Smedes has been really helpful on my journey of trying to forgive folks: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” I hope you can continue stepping into that freedom 💙
The fact that I can choose to forgive day-by-day, it’s not a one-and-done thing is a relief. It makes me feel less of a failure for not getting it right the first time and gives me hope that one day, soon I hope, these chains of hurt will fall away completely and I’ll never pick them up again.
Thank you for your loving kindness in a world that seems to have lost all its humanity.
Hi Pat, I hope you don't mind me jumping in on the conversation. I can share my experience with a similar situation. I realized that everything that had been done to me had already been done to my parents, and they didn't know a better way. The validation that I was looking for came from God and from within myself. Yes, you are correct, your father was unloving, neglectful, and invalidating, and I'm super sorry for the abuse you suffered and your loss. You may have lost a parent but you also lost a source of pain in your life. You can grieve one can celebrate the other. Hope this brings some comfort and peace.
This was such a good post/sermon and one I’m sure many people will find helpful. We need more (healthy) grace and forgiveness, even when it’s hard. I’m struggling with this, too.
Here's what I have always found interesting: in my church, the burden is on the one who wronged to repent and seek reconciliation. Forgiveness comes AFTER these steps. First you get right with God, then you get right with those you sinned against. It takes BOTH steps. And this approach acknowledges that there is a victim who probably has trauma and needs time to heal. You can only approach reconciliation in a stance of complete humility, which protects the victim from re-harming.
But the Reformation threw the sacraments out with the bathwater. So now we have men in positions of religious power (including in my church) who turn so quickly to admonishing victims to forgive after half-ass apologies. This stance protects power. It is another in a long line of ways we remake the world in our image, and why original sin is alive and well.
We have started having communion every week at our church and I have really struggled with it without knowing why. I recently connected my teenage church's emphasis on seeking reconciliation before communion to my physical response to communion as an adult. I'm naturally anxious, so I sought people out as a teenager, asking their forgiveness (for things that I now know were not "sinful"), thinking that God would be angry with me if I took communion without "getting right" first. This actively led to increased anxiety and unhealthy boundaries with people I should have held at arm's length. Just another way that churches often harm those who are seeking to do right and empower those who aren't.
I think that comes from the weird obsession American Christians of all sects have that God can be harmed or dishonored. That we must be in a perfect state to receive Jesus into our bodies. But Jesus didn't say any of that. He said we must eat of his flesh and drink of his blood to get into heaven. Communion, or for me the sacrament of the Eucharist, is nourishment and healing. In that sense, it is exactly for the sinner (which is all of us). It reminds us to be humble, because we need that healing food, but also that Jesus is always with us. I miss Eucharist most of all.
Amen 💯 it's not a free pass or get out of jail free card it comes with all those you mentioned & most importantly his own words also that blasphemes will not be forgiven.
I'm working through a response to a relative who voted for the candidate I believe will bring great harm. But my relative certainly didn't mean to harm. I'm finding reconciliation hard, though. Thank you for this timely post.
After two family estrangements and trauma, I’ve been reading everything I can on this topic. As someone who grew up in a white evangelical church, I was taught to suppress my feelings out of love for others. Anger? Bad emotion, don’t feel it. But being angry at being harmed is a normal emotion.
I am working on forgiving those who harmed me, but I know they have no remorse. I think part of them can’t understand why they should feel sorry - it’s a Christian’s job to forgive all wrongs and “move on.” The problem is I can’t (and don’t) want to “cut” these people out of my life, but they don’t respect boundaries. Is there a way I can show them love but still honor how I feel when I’m around them? Can you love your “enemies” well and still not like them as people? I’m sure this sounds immature. I’m just trying to understand how I feel but also not let my feelings dictate my actions or determine another person’s dignity, worth, etc.
It doesn't sound immature at all, Libby. I think you can absolutely love your enemies while not liking to be around them and keeping firm boundaries. Love doesn't look like a free pass.
Thank you for your response. I have been trying to disconnect what love looks like in God’s definition from what I was taught it meant. It can be hard to read scripture sometimes without a different perspective because my brain defaults to old programming (which wasn’t always true, healthy, etc). But maybe that’s the work of a lifetime - How to change our hearts to love more like God each day?
Also, just to say, that’s a huge reason why I have really appreciated your voice and leadership. Thank you for breaking things down and helping me read my Bible with a new perspective. Your work means so much.
At my old church, I was discussing a situation I was dealing with where a teacher locked my kid in a closet for 6 hours out of an 8 hour school day, among other things... When discussing the situation with a leader in my church and about how we were filing a lawsuit against the school, he said "Why not just forgive?" I can't tell you the level of rage that went through my body at that point. I called him out at our next meeting together. Forgiveness doesn't mean I hand you the hatchet to use it on me again. It means I bury the hatchet in the ground rather than in your skull. The pursuit for justice doesn't simply disappear because we decided not to get revenge. It just means we don't follow our darker impulses and do what we should not do.
This is so well-said and I’m really sorry about what was done to your child. I hope you were able to find justice for them!
Luckily, yes. We made such an impact with what we did, that a law got passed in Texas to put cameras in every special needs child’s classroom.
I am so sorry, Shane. I work in special ed in Texas and these cameras are vital. Thank you for advocating on behalf of so many kids who often can't advocate for themselves.
🙌🏻🙌🏻
Well written!
I have taught that forgiveness is NOT taking the hook out of the wrong doer's mouth; they alone are responsible for the 4 R's that eventually yield reconciliation. Forgiveness is cutting the line so the injured party can begin to heal.
I love this analogy, Robert!
I have a memory in which I was hurt by my pastor. I've struggled as to whether or not I have forgiven him, and your essay has helped understand my feelings, Zach. Interestingly, the hurt was about the subject of forgiveness! I began attending a new start up church and became friends (I thought) with a woman there. It turned out she was very emotionally abusive and, as a psychotherapist, I had suspicions of a personality disorder. She came after me online and by text for a week and said horrible things. I was speaking to my pastor (I needed his help emotionally about the incident) and he wanted nothing to do with it, and then, when I said I had forgiven her but I wouldn't allow her back in my life, he registered shock. Then...the worst part, a couple of weeks later he was preaching on forgiveness and said, "A couple of weeks ago someone told me they would forgive someone but not allow them back into their life!!!" He then proceeded to teach how wrong that was. Thankfully, I was home ill and watching it online that Sunday. I don't know how I would've handled it if I had been sitting right there! I don't wish him any harm, but I've always felt weird about still having that memory. Of course I remember it! I'm a human being with a God given memory system.
Oh my goodness, Linda. That is such a horrible thing for your pastor to do. I'm so sorry. The weaponization of forgiveness, especially in faith communities, is a huge problem. I'm glad the essay helped clarify the experience for you and I hope it helps you on your journey toward healing!
Thanks, Zach. It took me another 2 years and many “incidents “ before I left the community…and that was only due to Covid lockdowns and being shamed for not claiming my protection and being afraid of death. It pushed me the rest of the way through deconstruction but thank God I will always follow Jesus.
Sometimes we have to step away from a harmful church in order to better follow Jesus. Sounds like that's exactly what you did, Linda.
What a difficult situation. I have had similar experiences with emotionally abusive people in my adulthood- it is so hard to know how to handle these situations, especially within the context of church. It sounds like you have done a great job of moving toward healthy boundaries! Remembering is normal. Keep taking care of yourself.
Thanks, Amy!
Thanks for this. I have survived two 20+ year marriages. I left both because I couldn't forgive, or trust. #1 cheated. #2 I feared harm. They did not ask for forgiveness... Or ask me to stay. So, not sure if that makes a difference?) Both allowed dividing the detritus fairly between us, with no alimony. I wanted peace and no legal requirement to ever speak again. Only had a cat with #1. 2 children with the second. They were in high school and lived with me until out in the world. Number 1, never saw or spoke again. I moved to opposite shores. Number 2, have not spoken except through the kids, but heard he found a wealthy gal who supports him,,, Neither wanted reconciliation, I have not offered it. My son has since ended his relationship with his father. My daughter tries to keep their connection going.
I don't have it in me to try again with another, so that is perhaps my long term loss? I have no trust in my own judgement. I always loved church, neither of these husbands did. Guess that should have been a sign?
It's easy to look back in judgment at your younger self, but you were most likely acting according to the information you had then and your best attempt at enacting it dutifully. I am grateful that I ended up with a good one, but it could have gone very differently based on what I was taught about being a woman and wife in my childhood churches. Go easy on your younger self and take care of yourself moving forward 💛
I'm so sorry you've had to walk through all of this, Nancy 💙
I love this! I have somewhat come to this realization on my own, but I still tend to feel guilty if I’m not trying to keep the relationship up, even though the relationship isn’t healthy. It’s a confusion in my mind about how we are to love other people…
It's a difficult balance to strike. I think sometimes love looks like firm boundaries in our relationships with unhealthy people.
Yes. Easier said than done…! Still working on it though.
Absolutely, Lori. I am, too!
What an amazing message, so full of wisdom! Thanks so much for your fresh perspective and for sharing your personal story too. I am sorry that you went through that as a kid and so grateful you kept holding onto faith despite it all!
Thanks, NEST! So kind of you.
Thank you for sharing. One of the things I struggle with is grief over the changed relationship and the ripple effect into other relationships. God did not release me from this person’s circle of influence four years ago so I remained. Honestly, obeying the Spirit’s gentle, quiet prompting to stay has been difficult for me. The hurt coming in waves at times taking my breath away each week. The waves of hurt are less now but can still seemingly come out of no where. Just this past Sunday the hurt seemed so fresh yet again. God has been faithful to continue to heal my spirit and mind. God has been the only lasting comfort through this journey. Only my immediate family know the details of the hurt and that is only because of the change in my personality after the interaction. God has been my confidant, the one to see my tears and hear the cries of my heart. He has been my comfort and peace. No human could have healed my heart and spirit the way He has. I am journeying through the grief now, understanding that the once close relationship with this person and a few others may not be reconciled in full until He returns. I am learning and God is faithful.
Thank you again for sharing. It was a needed reminder for me.
Hi Beth. Thank you for sharing your story here. I am so sorry for the grief you have experienced/are experiencing. I hope that you continue to find support for the pain caused by this person. Take care of yourself and let us know if you need any recommendations for counseling, etc.
Thank you for sharing too, Beth. I'm so sorry for what you've been put thought, but I'm so glad that God has been close to you through it all. Praying for your continued healing.
Hi Zach - I'm really, really sorry about the abuse that you suffered growing up. Dealing with bullies that are sanctioned by those in the church can lead to someone losing their faith - which is what happens a lot! I'm so grateful you shared this painful experience - you're not alone.
Second, you're an eloquent writer but forgot to mention the wisdom of the great RuPaul: forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
I had the opportunity to sit down with the great Dr. Jay Bhattacharya, who was struggling with forgiveness as a man of God (he openly shared this at a conference). I reminded him that he was wishing for the past to be different and relying on his own understanding of the circumstances. I won't go into the details, but he played a part in this betrayal by a friend - not that he wasn't hurt or a victim, but he didn't realize that God was setting him apart to do more extraordinary things, which he has done. I asked him to remember when he might have betrayed a friend himself because, typically, we are all guilty of something, if not the same thing, that we are resentful over.
It's all perspective, and yes, you're correct; if we lead with love, that also means love for ourselves, which means we do not need to put ourselves into abusive situations. That's not Godly love.
Thanks again Zach.
Thank you for this, Melissa. And I can't believe I forgot to quote RuPaul! That's such a great quote. Leading with love for everyone, including ourselves, is so important.
Zach you crack me up. You keep it real for sure.
Thank you. I needed this so much. I struggle to forgive my father for his patriarchal control of our family and abusive assumptions of what my duty as his daughter was, and his belief that his son was so much more important and needed his protection more than I did.
His unkind words to me in the last months of his life when I did everything in my power to care for him as his health declined, something my brother was loath to do, sliced my heart in two. I was never enough, never good enough, devoted enough, smart enough, obedient enough. My. Entire. Life.
By contrast, my brother, no matter what he did, who he hurt, how much drugs he consumed, or crimes he committed, his mere existence warranted Dad’s devotion.
Dad passed in 2020 and I can honestly say I never felt grief over his death. I’ve tried to talk to family members about how I feel to try to work through these feelings and get to a place of forgiveness. I discovered I couldn’t talk to them because they judged me as being bitter and resentful, even if my words weren’t spoken in anger.
I’m hurting and need comfort, but because I haven’t forgiven and forgotten, I’m the one in the wrong. And I’ll never get the relationship that I always wanted with my father. Or justice.
But not forgiving him allows my father to keep hurting me from the grave. It’s a comfort to know that forgiveness doesn’t require forgetfulness.
Pat, I'm so sorry. I know so many people can relate to not getting what they needed from their parents, and it's so much more hurtful when it feels like our siblings received different treatment. The bondage of patriarchy is strong. I don't have any advice for you, but I appreciate your honesty in sharing this. Sending you love and prayers as you work through the hurt. I hope this community will encourage you in the process.
Gosh this is so hard, Pat. I'm really sorry. As Amy already said, the bondage and damage caused by patriarchy is devastating. This quote I included in the essay from Lewis Smedes has been really helpful on my journey of trying to forgive folks: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” I hope you can continue stepping into that freedom 💙
The fact that I can choose to forgive day-by-day, it’s not a one-and-done thing is a relief. It makes me feel less of a failure for not getting it right the first time and gives me hope that one day, soon I hope, these chains of hurt will fall away completely and I’ll never pick them up again.
Thank you for your loving kindness in a world that seems to have lost all its humanity.
Hi Pat, I hope you don't mind me jumping in on the conversation. I can share my experience with a similar situation. I realized that everything that had been done to me had already been done to my parents, and they didn't know a better way. The validation that I was looking for came from God and from within myself. Yes, you are correct, your father was unloving, neglectful, and invalidating, and I'm super sorry for the abuse you suffered and your loss. You may have lost a parent but you also lost a source of pain in your life. You can grieve one can celebrate the other. Hope this brings some comfort and peace.
That is a very good way to look at it. Thank you. I will definitely hold that in my heart.
This was such a good post/sermon and one I’m sure many people will find helpful. We need more (healthy) grace and forgiveness, even when it’s hard. I’m struggling with this, too.
Me too, my friend.
It’s more than just hard. It’s supernatural, which is our Savior’s speciality.
This was such an informative post. Thank you! I did not know about the reference to Lamech regarding forgiveness.
Glad it was helpful!
Here's what I have always found interesting: in my church, the burden is on the one who wronged to repent and seek reconciliation. Forgiveness comes AFTER these steps. First you get right with God, then you get right with those you sinned against. It takes BOTH steps. And this approach acknowledges that there is a victim who probably has trauma and needs time to heal. You can only approach reconciliation in a stance of complete humility, which protects the victim from re-harming.
But the Reformation threw the sacraments out with the bathwater. So now we have men in positions of religious power (including in my church) who turn so quickly to admonishing victims to forgive after half-ass apologies. This stance protects power. It is another in a long line of ways we remake the world in our image, and why original sin is alive and well.
We have started having communion every week at our church and I have really struggled with it without knowing why. I recently connected my teenage church's emphasis on seeking reconciliation before communion to my physical response to communion as an adult. I'm naturally anxious, so I sought people out as a teenager, asking their forgiveness (for things that I now know were not "sinful"), thinking that God would be angry with me if I took communion without "getting right" first. This actively led to increased anxiety and unhealthy boundaries with people I should have held at arm's length. Just another way that churches often harm those who are seeking to do right and empower those who aren't.
I think that comes from the weird obsession American Christians of all sects have that God can be harmed or dishonored. That we must be in a perfect state to receive Jesus into our bodies. But Jesus didn't say any of that. He said we must eat of his flesh and drink of his blood to get into heaven. Communion, or for me the sacrament of the Eucharist, is nourishment and healing. In that sense, it is exactly for the sinner (which is all of us). It reminds us to be humble, because we need that healing food, but also that Jesus is always with us. I miss Eucharist most of all.
Amen 💯 it's not a free pass or get out of jail free card it comes with all those you mentioned & most importantly his own words also that blasphemes will not be forgiven.
I'm working through a response to a relative who voted for the candidate I believe will bring great harm. But my relative certainly didn't mean to harm. I'm finding reconciliation hard, though. Thank you for this timely post.
I think many folks are in a similar situation, Janice. I hope you know you aren't alone 💙
After two family estrangements and trauma, I’ve been reading everything I can on this topic. As someone who grew up in a white evangelical church, I was taught to suppress my feelings out of love for others. Anger? Bad emotion, don’t feel it. But being angry at being harmed is a normal emotion.
I am working on forgiving those who harmed me, but I know they have no remorse. I think part of them can’t understand why they should feel sorry - it’s a Christian’s job to forgive all wrongs and “move on.” The problem is I can’t (and don’t) want to “cut” these people out of my life, but they don’t respect boundaries. Is there a way I can show them love but still honor how I feel when I’m around them? Can you love your “enemies” well and still not like them as people? I’m sure this sounds immature. I’m just trying to understand how I feel but also not let my feelings dictate my actions or determine another person’s dignity, worth, etc.
It doesn't sound immature at all, Libby. I think you can absolutely love your enemies while not liking to be around them and keeping firm boundaries. Love doesn't look like a free pass.
Thank you for your response. I have been trying to disconnect what love looks like in God’s definition from what I was taught it meant. It can be hard to read scripture sometimes without a different perspective because my brain defaults to old programming (which wasn’t always true, healthy, etc). But maybe that’s the work of a lifetime - How to change our hearts to love more like God each day?
Also, just to say, that’s a huge reason why I have really appreciated your voice and leadership. Thank you for breaking things down and helping me read my Bible with a new perspective. Your work means so much.
Thank you Zach 🩵🙏